When it is Said and Done

We were so young; how come we have to write about this??????? When we heard the word obituary

we all had the same blank look on our faces, why think about what will be something that is at the end

of your life when we are so young. What is the lesson that is attempting to be sent to us, and why? I

remember saying here lies Kevin Douglas Berg.

It was so shocking to have such a task as must speak of yourself and your accomplishments when not

having any of life really lived yet. How does one create the life to speak of that has happened but not

already lived and make it believable to those that it will reach to see a serious light.

Hell, my parents are doing the Obituary thing and every time my dad has a moment with a paper, he is

always looking to see who passed away. So much so that this old guy, while he was doing at Betsy Ross,

with cane in toe, barely able to walk asked him the following question.

“ARE YOU IN THERE??!”

my dad not believing the abruptness and the closeness of this stranger happened to project into his

counter space next to his coffee. Close his paper with a ruffle, then asked to repeat what he did not

think he heard. His right ear, which he could hear better out of do a short stint as a truck driver with an

exhaust pipe that was more pipe than any exhaust that completely killed his hearing as he drove way

back when after getting married. This was prior to the Dana Machinist 24 and some years.

ARE YOU IN THERE, ARE YOU DEAD, WELL ARE YOU??????

My dad with a hearty laugh and a dumbstruck brought up some spittle with his laugh as he responded

back “Nope..”

“ He was like good and now go about your damn day and don’t worry about who is there and be

happy it is not you.”

After that interaction I looked at him and he looked at me, who the eff was that?

I enquired, my dad gave me a quizzical and wonderous response, how the ef would I know?!”

So, back to what was I saying…….there I was at “here lies Kevin Douglas Berg…….” how can I think

about something that I have not done when I don’t even know what the hell I want to be? This was as

painful as well as laborious as time that was unfortunately spent on an iron maiden could give out

physically in my more than 20 year off diagnosis (OH THAT IS WHY I AM SO EFFED UP Relief level

obtained, sort of) of being the lucky participant of an ADHD mind.

The teacher went around the room and said, what do you want to do with your life????? I was like Oh

shit that was my kryptonite again, what I wanted to do

when I grown up and my fright or flight response was kicking in

and I wanted to not be writing about my death that is for damn sure.

No, this was a growth experiment is what you really wanted to be known for when it all said and done.

Presently, I know, especially now in my most up to date and current realization and actualization not too

mention current relationship lack of involvement to speak of, would be not probably 5 people, no make

that like 3 at the most at my funeral currently due to the old adage as “The life’s we lead”, but back then

it was not so much how many it was what was the WAS and DID and HAD and Accomplished – basically

that was the sign of my 4 Horseman as plain as day, I grimed in retribution of being called out for what

was the most scary thing that I still face to this current day, the future =P

She was like are you;

 going to have a family,

 be an entrepreneur,

 make great discoveries,

 do great things and or

 live a very simple existence as have a long-standing career.

 you going to travel the world looking for something that you have yet to discovered and

or anyone else has either in search of great unknowns?

I was like really, come one lady, my parents are happy if I am going to graduate Highschool and my

friends don’t kill me the way we go crus in at times. Hell, if I was doing better than 1.5 to 1.7 in school,

my parents would think I could grow money on trees in overall outlandish as it may sound. I was that

academically backward in all honesty.

Right great discovery, maybe if I could shut my trap and not talk to my sister so much in study hall and

we must be separated, now that would be a great accomplishment. That would be reality, also it would

be nice if I did not have to hide my unsatisfactory reports under my dresser because I did not want to

face my reality at the time.

How about I propose we start with the small things and worry about lifetime achievement and or not

during a time when I am worried about if I put too many hearts on the latest love not that I passed to

Heather that I was going with that time?

Then I thought about it, and really, though about it, man I hated thinking about when I wanted to be

and now, I am cold shock thinking about what I wanted to be know for when I was not longer around.

What would they say, what would I have done, where would I be in life, wow getting older sucks when

you must look at the inevitable in such a way that is makes you not be so worried about the zits on your

face and when and if you will have a real date.

I must be honest with you; I don’t remember what I actually wrote. Maybe something like I was a

businessman or something and had a couple of kids and was well liked. It was simple asks of a conflicted

mind that till this day thinks of what I want to be know for and I can only come up with really a few

things, hopefully my sons will thank all that are in uniform and as well as I hope I made a difference with

someone, somewhere that assisted, helped, indirectly and or directly out in some small way and or

fashion.

Back then it was more about accolades of status, title and or possessions. But I see that as it really is

and possessions are not things that are valuable in the least as are what people really thought of you

and why. How did your existence really matter in the wider sense of humanity.

You can be rich as a billionaire and not have the same soul as someone not a penny to their name but

has a good heart and attempted, even with no true means and or way to make it better for someone

else in whatever way they could possible.

Platitudes, something you can attain, but nothing compared to your interaction, relationships, and if

your truly have compassion in your heart. Not too long ago I would call this all drivel, and he who the

biggest, best, most expensive, fastest, newest etc. was the real winners in life.

No, those that have attain all material plateaus have stuff, crap, things, but if they are not of value to

anyone else in anyway, they truly are spiritually worthless to humanity.

Just some thoughts as I have now and then, nothing more and nothing less, not attempting to judge and

or determine anyone and or anything, just something that I pondered on today with me considering the

inevitable as you do as you get older.