Being In Love With Someone Means That They See The Best You Can Ever Be

You know it is just a really simple ask. 

Why do I have to be so fucked up in the head?!

Yep, I said it, why am I on this earth with this burden which seems to find me going nowhere as well as being with no one due to the way I process the world.

In the past, I thought it was some kind of gift to think differently than most if not all, but now I see it as the undoing of so much of what I have tried in all aspects of my life. 

You name it I have really fucked up things, personally, socially, career wise, well let us not go there, I just called the CEO of Honda to think that was going to keep my job from when it was already decided not to be.

I guess I am finding out that I am more of a pariah that I really thought that those would be very up front with the opinions of me, my behavior and how I go through life. 

Well, as I sit all alone once again, and with just myself, not even a rescue bubba to keep my mind off of being in mind, the evidence is absolutely clear, I don’t do think, hear, watch, comprehend, process and or react like most.

Now I have come to realize that I might always be alone, and it is not necessarily the worse thing, I just thought I was someone that would never be that way and be in the situation, hell in all aspects of my life. 

Boy, if I could alert others that are like me and our behavior is very similar to mine, I would advise then to try to do better in all areas of your life.

1. Be happy to be wrong and never make it personal EVER
2. Be more empathetic, 
3. think more before responding, 
4. listen more than ever talking and always think is what I am saying help or hinder to whatever is being discussed. 
5. Know that you are not in a heated debate over everything and anything that comes up. 
6. Don’t make the people that love you and care for you end up hating you for thinking that you could be something that they envisioned.

I was watching Dr. Peterson and he said,

“When you are in love in someone, you are seeing the best from that person to be the best person that they can be. As they are seeing in you at the same time.”

Man, that really hit home, it really makes you think of the past right, wrong and in different ways.

As I try the dating world again, I am just looking and thinking that the odds are individuals are not going to find that person that they can really be with for the rest of their lives.

And those odds are also facing myself very much in the present.

But also, I am thinking about, all my stress again looking for a job and I could or anyone else really can just have a heart attack tomorrow of die in their sleep and that is it.

 I am so worried about my old nemesis of nemesis’s finding a job, that while trying to you get so stressed out that you do anything that could be remotely enjoyable and or pleasant, the exact opposite.

Fuck, I hate being an adult, which is all I have for now. Just some more useless dribble from yours truly.