Sleep Where Have You Gone.........

Why don’t I know. Sleep where did you go………

I am not sleeping again at night and when I do sleep it is of things that were something that will be never happen again.

Why does my sub consciousness ask of me to live something and or with somebody that is not of the here and now.?

Why does our mind play tricks on us as we attempt to find peace and solace in the current?

I find myself asking myself, “Why” more than I ever have?

Where was it that I came to be where I am and how I am? How does one create a navigation to a goal that will inspire the soul as well as the as the physical?

Why is it that I have experienced so much but not really learned as much at the same time.

Is my misgiving of being a person that I want to be causing me to not understand where I have to grow?

Is it an active act of sabotage on my need to find peace, that when I attempt to do so, I only find it that I am further away from that.

Why is it the same dream, why is it the same feeling, why is it then I awake, and I was more alone than I really felt I was prior to attempting to rest myself.

At times I find myself too tired to fall asleep and how does that make sense?

Why do I feel in my dreams I am having to move whatever into another place, and I am running out of time to do so for years I have this nightmare. 

• I am not prepared, 
• and I am not ready and
• all are waiting for me.

Not to mention any time in my dream, I am never actually able to sit down and have the meal, or is that how it works?

I understand that my life is anything but settled, but why must the hinderance come to when I just want solace and an overall peace.

Is it the meds, is it the things that I went through, is it the thing that I have experienced during times I can no longer even remotely recall that have shaped what I face with the few hours of sleep my mind allows my body?

Is tiredness causing a non-directional addiction to more tiredness due to the feeding off of the weakness of my psyche.

I can’t remember when I felt fully rested and did not wake up after 3 hours only to stay up another 2 so I can sleep maybe another 2 after that.

Unfortunately, around 5 or 6 or so, I find myself napping as someone my age would, I guess.

This is completely defeating in my attempts to find sleep at the hour I want to fall asleep. Is it so cruel that if you get about 30 or 45 minutes of dozing that the tally of the sleep at night is set askew of what my body truly needs.

I have started to feel trepidation when it comes to having to go to sleep.

Now, I overthink it like I do and have done so many other things. How come getting sleep is now a fight and not something that I used to find without any strife once so ever.

Sleep, where did you go and why do you have to torment me with such a detriment to find it.