My Life Be Like Ummmmmmmmmm

I don’t know how not to share. Let me explain, being single for close to 6 months, I try to hard and say too much but I want the other person to have some type of what is on my mind and who I am. 

The bad thing is, no one really wants to connect with someone that way. I find myself being frustrated that I dating is not the way it was in the past.

In The Past 

Before you like what the other person is about and you match up and then in a week or so, you are talking on the phone. 

Texting to Infinitium and Beyond and then Some More

Now, it is you match and then you text, then you text, then you text, and I am like okay texting is fine, but I would like to hear the person as many would as video chat would be even better.

Maybe I am just turning off the opposite sex because I just can’t find the rhythm in dating and the apps and I guess it is also being catfished once and then once again just recently.

 I did my research prior to spending more time on the person that was supposedly interested in me. But because she lend an open year, I spilled all my guts out, because I don’t know when not too.

Maybe that is the reason people have a marriage, divorce and then a long relationship, they are like well that is not really to work out for me being with another person. Some people it just really is that cut and dry and others are like as I am, putting your self out there and then if nothing happens, you start questioning are you doing something wrong to repel the opposite sex.

It is very tiring, along with trying to find work, it is like another thing that I have to deal with day in and day out. I kind of see myself just getting old and not being really involved with anyone, not saying that is a horrible thing. 

Just today I was sitting outside on my chair and watching traffic, and I was thinking I now have become that guy. The old man sitting on the chair in an apartment on that is right next to the railroad tracks kind of thing,

I Am Always Labeling Myself with a Stereo Type of Some Sort

I always find myself choosing whatever the stereo type is at the time that fits me. In the past I was weekend Dad, then the Dad that has his Kids Over, then someone that was Bankrupt, then someone that had their car repossessed, and now it is looking for work and dare I say it love, a relationship, a bond of some type.

It might be that I don’t have a TV and or attempt to get lost on things that provide entertainment.

I am always in my head. I have more clarity but it is more disheartening at the same time. 

When you have time to be in your head, it is not always the most positive thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories come from. 

Nobody But To Blame But Yours Truly 

Lets face it people that are alone, many don’t really want to be, but here we are nevertheless.

A Different Feeling of When You Are Ready and It Has to Yet Recognized 

Maybe it is not ready, maybe it will be never ready like I felt in the past, because I am different person altogether. I am more cautious, look at things in a more pessimistic than pragmatist way. I don’t know when you have been through things that completely throw you life in a tailspin not once, not twice, not thrice, but somehow over and over again, perception is so convoluted that it is like looking into Kaleidoscope.

Colorful and all, but no rhyme or reason to what is going on with your life for a long time, you just wake up and go through the day, and if you have a job you really are engrossed into that, but if you don’t then without all this uncertainty you have to worry about some how making money.

Once Again The Thinking Process is Slightly Off

Then like I said before and I truly believe, I do not process things as most. I now identify it as a hindrance over anything that positive came from it. I was learning on being more creative due to that unlike social norm way of getting through life and day to day. 

Proof is in the pudding as they say Kevin, you are where you, because you are who you are and you have only yourself to blame.

I am really understanding that more and more each day, week, each month, would I even go out with someone like me? I have my good days and my bad ones like everyone else, now I would not be able to tell them apart except the ones I am not experiencing migraines in all honesty.

This Time Being Alone Hits Me Much Differently than Any of The Other Times in the Past

I have periods of my life where I was alone many times. This one hits different, hopefully I can learn to grow from this and be better not only for someone else, but for myself.

Everyday I see it more clearly, it as if you live a world of all your own because you are just with yourself and that is all you know.

• I could be in a cabin in the woods,
• I could be in a tent in the middle of the desert
• I could be floating on a raft out in the middle of the sea,

when you spend a considerable amount of time alone, it all comes forward and you have to deal with your psyche is telling to you as loud as a clear as it was being shouted in your face.

That is all I got for now, just some more mindless dribble, as always thanks for reading.